What it means to “Have It All”

The Problem With Power Careers was an interesting post to say the least. It aroused all kinds of reactions from both men and women, with families and without. It also brought to the surface the issue I wanted to address and have seen for years. 

The idea of Having It All.

One public comment in particular capture the sentiment of most of the private comments. They were told that they could have it all (career and family) and felt like they were lied to. "Either my family suffers at the expense of my career or my career suffers at the expense of my family."

I completely understand the frustration and the meaning behind the words, and I also want to use them to show us where the problem rests. First, because I believe, you can have it all. It isn’t a lie; however, it does create a huge misunderstanding. Second, a shift in focus once we understand can set you free to have the life you feel is currently out of your reach.

The misunderstanding at the core of this conversation is that "having it all" means the same thing to everyone. Compound the problem with the fact that few people ever think past the surface of what is presented. Here’s what I mean…

If you think of having it all and you automatically go to thoughts of being the CEO of a multinational conglomerate AND you are the parent-of-the-year type who is home for every meal, ballgame, knee scrape, homework, bedtime story, and life-changing moment… you cannot have both of those at the same time. In many ways, they are opposed to each other.

My question to you, is that really what you want? How does that even look? Have you really considered why you want the career or personal life that you do? What does having it all mean in your life?

When I’ve asked someone that question in person, their usual reaction is, "Well, no…that isn’t what I want, but isn’t that having it all?" No, it isn’t. Having it all is as subjective as tastes in food or clothing. Having it all is defined by what you want your life to look like and it is never ultimately about how big one area of your life can be.

The things we want in our lives are actually represented by and can be accomplished in every area. Our senses of worth, relevance, connection, significance, or adventure can be fulfilled in profession, relationships, spirituality, health, community involvement and more. They all play a role in supporting our vision for our overall life.

One area suffers so another can gain when we see them as separate entities that can’t exist together. When we understand that neither is everything and that each supports something bigger, our view of how they interact changes. We become more intentional with the time and energy allocated to the different areas of life and appreciate the way they mesh to make us stronger instead of resenting them because of how they cannabilize each other.

Define what having it all means to you, not to anyone else. Realize that life is more than just career or just personal. It is so much bigger than that and you get to paint the picture.